I almost checked out on writing

I have always loved reading and writing. It was my lifeblood when I was in high school. It has gotten me sent to summer school, brought me accolades, led to speaking engagements, brought me some recognition and a lot of heartache.

I've lost acquaintances, become jaded about who I do business with and became completely frustrated with the marketing aspect of the business.

I became so frustrated that I couldn't write. My headspace had hit a brick wall and I kept thinking to myself, "what the fuck am I doing and why am I doing it?"

I have a great editor whom I trust and a wonderful graphics artist who is able to bring my visions to life and yet I still didn't experience what I thought to experience when I introduced my latest work.

I joined writer's groups where I was inundated with predatory promoters who promised to do the same things that I've already done.

So my question is (and still remains) why?

And honestly, I just don't have an answer. My mentor gave me podcasts to listen to and I initially started listening to them, but ran out of time because the workload in my full time job increased.

I'm close to retirement age and look forward to focusing all of my efforts on this craft...a craft that I've been in love with since I was 11 years old.

I have four books to my credit and I look forward to writing four more. What I don't want to feel is if I'm wasting my time trying to pierce an impenetrable glass ceiling. Even though I have "Four Brothers Publications" under my wing to lend me authenticity as well as paying a nod of homage to my family, I am still a self published author.

As a result of all of this, I checked out for a bit until I figured out my next move. Admittedly, I'm still trying to figure out what that is.

But I've been doing some things that I never thought that I would do while I figure things out.

I know that we are living in uncertain times and some of us are fearful. Some of us are suffering one way or another. And I kept thinking what could I do that would hopefully make a difference?

Initially, I had no idea. But I knew that it was important for all of us to remain connected and to get involved in some way.

I taught myself the very basics of TikTok (an application I SWORE I would never learn) and started putting out content that would hopefully uplift folks as we negotiate the waters of the era that we find ourselves in.

And I pray like I never prayed before because I realize that I have two choices; I could live in fear and uncertainty or I can rely on God.

I chose the latter because that was my only choice. And so I listen...and pray...and talk to those that will listen to what I have to say.

The response has been great but no substitute for writing.

My mentor said to me that while I watch the world go down in flames, I should not abandon or deprive the world of my art.

I never had it put that way to me before. Creating art coupled with uplifting my fellow man seemed so much better than worrying about the state of the world because truth be told, our circumstance will not change anytime soon...but I cannot worry about that.

So here I am...back in the saddle riding my keyboard in the hopes that I will find that magic bullet that will let the world know that I am here.

~ J.L. Whitehead